Pete Koerner, author of The Belief Formula
Affirmations are one of the most popular personal development tools, but they can also be one of the least effective, simply because most people aren’t shown the correct way to use them. One of the most common misconceptions about affirmations is that they act as “magical incantations” that will transform your life circumstances. Want to earn more money? Recite an affirmation that you are a millionaire, and *poof!* you are wealthy.
The True Purpose of an Affirmation
Believe it or not, the words in an affirmation have no power to change anything in your life. Like I said, affirmations are not magical incantations, and you may be surprised to learn that the purpose of an affirmation is NOT to change anything outside of yourself.
Yes, your ultimate goal is to create better circumstances in one or more areas of your life, but that’s not the first thing that needs to happen. Instead, the true purpose of an affirmation is to change the way you FEEL about a given topic. When you feel differently about something, you will start to think and believe differently about it. And when you think, feel and believe differently, you will take different actions – and therefore you will change the results you receive.
Many people don’t grasp the importance of this concept, so they create affirmations that focus more on their outer conditions rather than how they feel. As a result, they don’t change their beliefs, their actions don’t change, and their circumstances don’t change either. With this in mind, think back to those example affirmations I just shared. Do those make you feel differently about money, health or relationships? More likely, you don’t feel much of anything at all when you read them. That’s because they don’t get to the heart of what you really want, which is to FEEL differently about that aspect of your life.
Take a moment right now and jot down a few key words about how you would like to feel regarding the main areas of your life:
August 2, 2012 By
Health and well-being
Spirituality
Relationships
Money
Career
Overall quality of life
Do you yearn for a greater sense of peace, happiness, security, freedom, fun, passion, ease, or meaning? If you could create anything you wanted in these areas, what would you create? What is important to you? Which negative habits and qualities would you like to release?
Creating Effective Affirmations
Now that you have a better idea of your goals in the key areas of your life, it’s time to explore just what makes an affirmation effective. Read the following affirmation and consider how it makes you feel:
I achieve my goals easily and quickly.
If you are like most people, you probably feel some resistance to that statement. Most of us do not achieve goals easily or quickly – more often it’s a long, strenuous journey to success. Even if you didn’t experience a feeling of resistance to the affirmation, you may have felt detached or impassive when you read it, like it just doesn’t have any meaning for you.
Based on the concepts we’ve covered so far, would you say that this is an effective affirmation? Perhaps if a person had experience in achieving goals quickly and easily, they might be open to an affirmation like that; but for the majority of “average” people the answer would be no. How about this alternative wording:
I am capable of achieving my goals easily and quickly.
That one feels a little better, doesn’t it? You aren’t saying that you always achieve your goals easily and quickly, but you are affirming you are at least capable of doing so. This affirmation may feel a little better, but it can still be improved.
I am eager to achieve my goals easily and quickly.
That one feels better; a little more upbeat and inspiring, right? Maybe it even triggers a little glimmer of hope that it’s possible to achieve your goals quickly and easily? How about this one:
I am ready to achieve my goals easily and quickly.
Notice one important thing about these examples – all I am doing is inserting emotionally-charged words into the original affirmation! Capable, eager, ready… these words simply trigger your emotions so that the statement makes you feel better about your goals.
Do you think that feeling better about your goals will bump up your level of motivation and determination? Do you think that being eager and ready to move forward might inspire more focused action and persistent effort over time? Absolutely!
Remember, the true power of an affirmation is that it makes you feel differently, form better beliefs, and take more productive actions. Now you can see how this works in our examples.
Next we’ll go over the exact steps you should take when writing your own powerful affirmations:
Step One: Identify the Goal
First, you need to be very clear about what you want. Not the outer goal; but the inner goal of how you want to FEEL. Focus on the essence of the feeling you are aiming for. For example, you want to feel confident, strong, empowered, happy, uplifted, free, inspired, loved, proud, secure, and so on.
If you were creating an affirmation to help you lose weight, your goal would probably be to feel proud of your body, light, happy, confident, or craving-free. Ideally you will want to focus on just ONE essence per affirmation rather than trying to cram a bunch of different goals into one.
Let’s say that your main goal is to overcome feelings of self-loathing and start loving your body. The essence you are going for is self-acceptance. You could call it different names but it really comes down to being able to accept your body rather than hating it.
Step Two: Lay the Foundation
Now create the basic affirmation, which is simply the new “truth” you wish to experience. Using the weight loss example above, your new affirmation might be:
I completely love and accept my body.
But remember, if you don’t feel so good about your body, that statement is going to trigger a strong feeling of resistance, disbelief, and maybe even anger. You just won’t believe it’s true because it ISN’T true (yet). That’s okay – we’re just laying the foundation before we move on to the next step.
Step Three: Soften Rough Edges
Right now your affirmation doesn’t feel good to you – it just brings up some unpleasant thoughts and feelings and does nothing to shift your beliefs about your body. However, there are many ways we can “soften” it a bit and make it feel better. For example, adding the word “choose”.
I choose to love and accept my body.
Adding that little word helped, didn’t it? But some people still might struggle with the affirmation even in its altered form. How about adding “okay”:
It’s okay to love and accept my body.
Ah, that one is better! You aren’t saying that you DO love and accept your body; just that it’s okay to do so. Even though we’re taking a roundabout route to the main goal, you can still feel a stronger sense of acceptance about your body, right?
If you were to recite this affirmation regularly for a few days, do you think you would start to feel more accepting of your body? Probably so!
Another way to soften the rough edges is to add an element of “will”:
I am willing to love and accept my body.
If that one still feels a bit too unbelievable, you could add “learn”:
I am willing to learn how to love and accept my body. (or)
I am learning how to love and accept my body.
Softening the edges just means choosing words that are a bit more relaxed so that you have an easier time believing in the concept. Most often this is a temporary measure because after saying the softer version for a few days to a few weeks, you will be able to step up to the stronger version.
For example, starting with, “It’s okay to love and accept my body” can easily lead to “I choose to love and accept my body,” and then straight to “I completely love and accept my body.” This is an effective way to gradually improve your beliefs and feelings on any subject.
Conclusion: Use Affirmations with Care
I often refer to affirmations as “power tools” because they can transform your life like few other development techniques can. But like all power tools, they must be used correctly to get the intended result. Use them incorrectly and you could end up with results you didn’t intend or want – or worse, results that displease you more than your original circumstances did.
One of the greatest things about affirmations is that they can easily be altered and personalized to fit your own goals. If the examples I used in this guide don’t resonate with you, keep tweaking them until they do.
Remember that the true power of an affirmation lies in how it makes you feel. If you can feel yourself leaning in a positive direction when you say an affirmation, even if it’s a subtle shift, you are on the right track!
Even better, your mastery of using affirmations effectively will continue to grow the more you work with them. You’ll be able to “feel” when an affirmation is right for you, and being sure your affirmations are tightly focused like this will allow you to exert less effort but still achieve great results.
In fact, your affirmations will continue to grow and evolve with you. The more work you do on your personal and professional growth, and the more control you gain over your self-talk, the less you will need to do the “stepping-up” technique we described at the beginning of this guide. You simply won’t feel the need to “soften” your affirmations to make them more believable. Instead, you will easily remain open to big goals and believe they are possible for you.
As your initial affirmations start to come true, be sure to keep expanding them to be bigger and better! Don’t settle for just “good” results – keep going after GREAT results in every area of your life. Make long lists of everything you wish to accomplish, and then steadily and surely change the way you think about those areas of your life.
As you change your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions for the better – the circumstances of your life must also change for the better. Once you understand the reliability of this approach, you should find yourself feeling very motivated and inspired because that means virtually ANYTHING is possible for you.
Every goal is achieved the same way; step by step.
“Want more free information? Feel free to get all sorts of top-notch internet marketing tips about Affirmations and much more on the E1KAD a blog, or visit the main Earn 1K A Day site.
The New Age Thinking regarding the use of affirmations can be somewhat frivolous. The idea that you can simply think about or affirm what you want and then get it is decidedly absurd. Yet, there is no doubt that thinking is a formative force in the materialization and fabrication of our world view and the conditioned circumstances in which we exist. How we view the world, and ourselves, as we are in and of the world, determines how we act which in turn results in effects. Our current situation–all the conditions of our present life and the various contexts in which we find ourselves, is a direct result of our past, specifically how we have used language in describing ourselves, our capacities, abilities and goals all of which is a precursor for behavior which, again, is causative meaning it brings about effects.
Language is not only our tool for communication. It is also our tool for thought. We think in words as well as mental pictures. But, language is a rather crude instrument. In English, with a mere 26 letters, we codify and represent all our experience…and communicate that experience, as best we can, with language. How can 26 letters encompass not just decades but ages upon ages of experience?
Language is tricky…it’s not always easy to understand the true meaning of a word or phrase. For example “love” has many different shades of meaning. When we say we love that new restaurant down the street, is that the same as when we say we love our mother? And when we are told that we should love ourselves, what kind of love do we apply? The kind of love we have towards our pet? Our sibling? One of the most common New Age Affirmations is something along the lines of “I love myself.” What does that mean? Really? Do we love ourselves the way we love our spouse? The way we love our neighbor? We don’t do those very well, so how could we possible love ourselves any better?
Because thought, which uses language, is a formative force. Affirmations are important. What we say to ourselves, and how we say it, does have an impact upon our mind, our body and our behavior…which, being causative, brings about effects. It behooves us to consider the positive and accurate use of affirmations as part of mental health hygiene. Just as you brush your teeth twice a day, so taking a few minutes to use language and thought in such a purposeful way that the mind is imprinted with positive impressions, is healthy. And, just as toothbrushes come in different styles and choosing one that works well is a consideration, so too designing an effective and accurate affirmation takes some meditation.
There are some basic guidelines to the proper use of affirmations: relatively short, first person singular, realistic, and yet not necessarily a present reality, vividness and kinaesthetic intensity, which is feeling. An affirmation is generally no longer than a few sentences and mostly just one simple sentence. The most common beginning of the sentence is “I am” and this is actually a very good affirmation to start with. After you brush your teeth, look in the mirror and say to yourself “I am.” After you’ve done that for a couple of months consistently, you can add on to it. For example, “I Am Healthy.” Of course, exactly what “healthy” consists of is not detailed, nor should it be. The word “healthy” is associated with dozens, if not hundreds, of other words, phrases, images and feelings. It’s those associations that gives that word its meanings. As you say “I am healthy” the subconscious mind automatically conjures images of what that means. As you repeat that affirmation as if it is a mantra, the images and feelings become intensified. But, you ask, what if I am not healthy, as many people in fact are not. You can still affirm this statement. It is not a hope or a want, it can be a statement of fact…even though it may currently be a lie.
Many of the beliefs and world views we hold today were built up through repetitive use of affirmations…simple sentences…which were, at the time, untruths. But, having repeated them so often, in first person singular, with vividness and feeling, these simple statements which were not at the time realities, became so. For example, a child growing up and learning language might imitate their parent who might often say “I’m such a klutz.” The child begins to imitatively repeat this affirmation and, although not a reality at the time, can easily become one.
To affirm something in the present which is not currently a reality is not a lie. It is simply a conflict. The subjective reality of the affirmative statement, coupled with vividness and feeling, is in conflict with the objective reality of consensual agreement. As the new affirmative statements are repeated the conflict increases. During this period of conflict there may be very strong thoughts attempting to convince one that the objective consensual reality is “the truth.” By continuing on with daily affirmative statements the creative subconscious mind begins to work towards conflict resolution. One of the two “realities” must be dissolved. There is tremendous force and momentum behind the objective consensual reality. Yet with simple persistence, the new subjective affirmative reality which was in conflict with the objective consensual reality begins to take dominance. The objective consensual reality’s basis, which is nothing other than established internal, subjective, affirmative statements becomes less rigid…it begins to crack. It becomes subordinate, and diminishes, and eventually dissolves away. Objective indications of the new affirmative position begins to be noticed in the world of consensual agreement…a new personal reality begins to emerge which is also substantiated by growing objective consensual agreements.
So, you may currently be very unhealthy. That does not matter. You can still affirm “I Am Healthy.” Be warned however, that as the weeks and months pass, as the conflict between the objective consensual reality and the newly forming subjective affirmative statements increases, there may be tendencies to prove to yourself that you are unhealthy. These tendencies need not be acted upon and, like storm moving through the region, they too pass; and then you may find yourself engaging in behaviors which are more aligned with the newly forming subjective reality of being healthy. What these new behaviors are will vary from individual to individual. There is no prescription as to diet, exercise, etc. The behaviors arise from the subconscious mind which is now accepting the newly forming reality. Although some may argue that you must affirm specifics, this writer believes the more generic, the greater the chance of allowing the creative subconscious mind to organize and formulate the necessary components of that reality without undue influence from the conditioned conscious mind.
There are a number of simple, generic affirmations that can be practiced. For example, “I am competent,” “I am efficient,” I am relaxed,” are some very simple affirmative statements that if practiced regularly can impact the subconscious mind in such a way as to bring about behaviors that are in alignment with that affirmation. Here is a longer affirmation that can be useful to repeat upon awakening in the morning and upon retiring in the evening: “I am a unique person, wonderful in many ways. I am gifted with the freedom to make choices and the means to act. I live in a world of possibilities and respond with intelligence. I am alert to what is happening around me. I can communicate. I am able to reason and I can learn. I will often remember…I am a unique person, wonderful in many ways.”
Few would argue the formative power of thought. Every single tool in our culture, from a simple hammer to space shuttles was first a thought in the mind. And clearly language plays a critically important role in thinking. Sometimes crafting an appropriate and accurate affirmative statement requires some assistance by a psychological wordsmither. If you would like help in designing an individualized affirmation specific to your personal and private issues, you are welcome to contact me via my website at http://www.openmindcounseling.com . Also, at the bottom of the home page is an invitation to receive a free copy (.pdf file) of James Allen’s timeless self-improvement classic As A Man Thinketh.
June 21, 2012 By
Ken Fields is a nationally certified licensed mental health counselor. With over 25 years in the mental health field, he has worked as as an individual and family therapist throughout school districts and within communities, a crisis intervention counselor, a clinical supervisor and an administrator in a human service agency. He has taught classes in meditation, visualization, goal setting, self-image psychology, anger and stress management, negotiation, mediation and communication, crisis intervention, and parenting. Mr. Fields specializes in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Family Systems Therapy and Communication Coaching. As a practicing counseling psychologist, Mr. Fields brings decades of specialized training and applied skills to his work. He now provides quality online counseling and can be found at http://www.openmindcounseling.com and http://www.kasamba.com/ken-fields
