One of the most important pieces of gaining permanent weight loss has nothing to do with the foods you eat or the exercises you do. It has to do with your mindset. Some people are able to lose weight effectively, and then gain it all back, while others, those who have made the proper changes to their lives to lose weight, can stay thin for the rest of their lives. The major difference between these two people is in that one person is achieving weight loss through affirmations, often without even realizing it, while the other is not. One of the most powerful tools for losing weight could en up being weight loss through affirmations.

Affirmations are a thought or a statement that we say to ourselves which has a profound effect on how we act or feel. Depending on its positive or negative nature, the mind then acts accordingly which can lead to either positive or negative impact on our lives. Thus, if you want to achieve weight loss through affirmations, you need to know how to utilize these techniques to give you the mindset of a skinny person. Weight loss through affirmations is an underused and understudied technique, but the effects can be profound.

To achieve weight loss through affirmations we must first overcome our negative thoughts because it is a major contributor to our general mindset. We must let go of these thoughts as these thoughts are major resistance to our weight loss through affirmation treatment. Instead of thinking ‘I am fat’ or ‘I will never be slim again’ try thinking ‘Today I have succeeded in losing some of excess fats’ or ‘I look thinner’. These kinds of statements leads to a positive and fruitful results.

For a positive result of weight loss through affirmations, the affirmations need to be repeated many times. Write down any positive thought you get maybe in a diary, on a piece of card or whichever way is convenient to you. Review them daily to get your mind to completely accept these thoughts and think of them as nothing but true. Preferably review them twice a day. Initially along with positive thoughts, you will eventually run across negative thoughts that continually occur to you. Note down these thoughts as well and at the end of the day review them and try replacing them with something more positive. For example if you have a thought such as ‘this isn’t working’ or ‘I don’t see any change’ try replacing it with ‘I feel lighter’ or ‘I feel thinner’ or ‘It really is working’. You should say your weight loss affirmations out loud, and try to use them in the way that you think, and you should be much better off.

Weight loss through affirmations depends on thoughts and in particular the words that one uses to attain weight loss through affirmations. Proper terminology varies from person to person, but the right words are needed for this weight loss technique to actually work. Try to us simple and direct sentences which your mind can easily get used to without causing any negative effect. This is important as even positive words can have negative effects.

One example of the power of affirmations is noted by Barbara Doberman Levine, author of “Your Body Believes Every Word You say” talked about one man who read about hypnosis and began to affirm to himself, “I am not hungry.” Instead he actually gained weight. Whenever he told himself he was not hungry his mind focused its attention to see if he was hungry. He repeated this affirm so many times that his subconscious actually put energy into making him hungry. So he felt more hungry through this affirm rather than before adopting it. Barbara Levine also says, “Telling yourself not to do something, you focus attention on the very thing you are avoiding, making it harder to avoid”.

Thus, you can not expect to achieve weight loss through affirmation using phrases like ‘I will not eat chocolate’ because this brings to mind the thought of eating chocolate, which in turn will make you desire it more. Instead, say something like ‘I eat healthy foods’ because this is vague enough to avoid problems, but focuses specifically on the idea of controlling what you eat. The words ‘no’ and ‘not’ should never appear in your weight loss affirmations.

Weight loss through affirmations is not only about having the right thoughts but is also about expressing your thoughts using right words. If weight loss affirmations are rightly utilized with proper and correct technique it can result in actual weight loss and a prefect body as we desire. When considering trying to achieve weight loss through affirmations, build up a large list of weight loss affirmations, and run through them daily or twice daily. In time, you should notice that you achieving weight loss through affirmations.

Robert Watson is a certified hypnotherapist with the ABH and the NGH, and has worked with affirmations and subliminal messages for over ten years. Visit his Subliminal Messages [http://subliminal.green-machine.info] website for more information about using affirmations and subliminal messages to help you lose weight, quit smoking, have a more positive outlook and more.

Affirmations are simply statements that we make to ourselves; it’s our self-talk. You use affirmations all the time, whether you’re doing so intentionally or unintentionally. If you make a mistake and you think to yourself, “I’m always making mistakes, I never do anything right”, you’ve just made a negative affirmation. If instead you make a mistake and you think to yourself, “That’s OK, I have the ability to correct this”, you’ve just made a positive affirmation.

Your self-talk has an enormous impact on your conscious and subconscious minds. By repeating positive affirmations you can reprogram your thought patterns. Creating new thought patterns will allow you to begin to change your underlying beliefs and the way that you think and feel about yourself, others, and your place in the world. In this way, you can improve your life dramatically through the use of daily positive affirmations.

Choosing Your Affirmations

Shakti Gawain, author of Creative Visualization, offers the following advice for choosing your affirmations:

o Always phrase your affirmations in the present tense, as if it already exists. Say “I enjoy being at my ideal weight” instead of saying “I will reach my ideal weight.”

o Affirm what you want, not what you don’t want. Instead of saying “I am no longer a procrastinator”, say “I always get things done on time.”

o Don’t simply go through your affirmations by rote; add positive feelings and emotions to your affirmations.

o Choose affirmations that feel right for you. If you come across an affirmation that you like but you would feel more comfortable changing a couple of words, go right ahead.

Use Three Different Pronouns

A technique that you can apply to make your affirmations more effective is to write down the same affirmation using different pronouns. For example, if you want to affirm that you’re surrounded by positive people who want the best for you, you can write down the following three affirmations (in this example your name is Joan):

o I am surrounded by positive people who want the best for me.

o Joan, you are surrounded by positive people who want the best for you.

o Joan is surrounded by positive people who want the best for her.

When you say affirmations in the second and third person it’s as if someone else is talking to you or about you. Your internal critic is less apt to interject a negative comment if it thinks someone else is making these positive affirmations about you.

Affirmations Can Be General or Specific

Affirmations can be general or they can be very specific. Some examples of general affirmations are the following:

o Abundance is all around me.

o Abundance is my birthright.

o There is more than enough for all.

Use general affirmations to “set the stage”. Once you’ve established clear, well-defined goals for yourself you can create specific affirmations to help keep you focused on your goals and to strengthen your belief in your ability to reach your goals. For example, if your goal is to lose 10 pounds in the next three months by exercising, your affirmations could be the following:

o I now jog for 40 minutes, 4 times a week.

o Jogging helps me to lose weight and makes me healthy and fit.

o I am now lifting weights 3 times a week.

o I enjoy going to the gym and lifting weights.

o I am getting excellent results from jogging and weight lifting, and it shows.

o Every day I am getting fitter and fitter.

o I now weigh X amount of pounds (your target weight).

o People comment on how much thinner I am and how good I look.

You Have to Be Able to Believe Your Affirmations

Whenever you choose to change anything in your life, you’re choosing to move out of your present comfort zone. We should always strive to grow and expand our definition of ourselves and of what we are capable of. However, you have to make sure that your affirmations are not so far off from where you are at the moment that there’s no way you can get yourself to believe what you’re affirming.

If you don’t believe the affirmations you’re saying to yourself, then you need to start with a less ambitious affirmation and gradually make your affirmations bigger and bigger. For example, if you currently make $3,000.00 a month, it may be difficult for you to believe “I am now making $50,000.00 a month”. However, you can probably believe the following affirmation: “I am now making $4,500.00, or more, a month”. As you move forward and begin to see results you can progressively increase this number until you do feel comfortable affirming that you make over half a million dollars a year.

Repeat Your Affirmations Often

There is much power in repetition. Positive affirmations are not something that you do once in a while, instead, you should expose your mind to the affirmations that you choose for yourself as often as possible. In the words of Robert Collier: “Constant repetition carries conviction.”

Write down your affirmations and place them where you can refer to them often (you can even carry them around in your wallet). You can say them out loud to yourself every morning when you wake up and at night before going to bed, or you can set aside a few minutes each day to scribble them on a sheet of paper several times to help reinforce the message in your mind.

Taping the affirmations in your own voice and listening to the tape while you’re relaxing-or, even better, meditating– has had extraordinary effects for countless people. Louise Hay, author of the International bestseller “You Can Heal Your Life”, recommends that you sing or chant your affirmations. Some people leave a CD with positive affirmations playing softly in the background while they sleep at night.

In addition, there are several programs that allow affirmations to flash on and off on your computer screen unobtrusively, helping to program these affirmations into your subconscious.

Affirmation Bath

Practitioners who offer healing workshops often use a technique called “affirmation bath”. Basically, several people stand around one person and they all begin saying positive affirmations directed toward that person. The person is “engulfed” by positive messages from others. You can try this technique if you can find several like-minded people to participate in this exercise with you.

Release Any Negative Feelings That Arise

Negative feelings can act as self-imposed stop signs to getting what you want in life. If you feel any discomfort, self-doubt, fear, anger, and so on when saying your affirmations, you need to let go or release these negative feelings. One way to do this is by using the Sedona Method. As stated before, you have to add positive feelings and emotions to your affirmations, and if negative feelings are getting in the way, you need to be able to let go of them.

Your self-talk can either prevent you from getting what you want in life, or it can be a powerful catalyst for creating the life you’ve always wanted. Create a daily practice of using positive affirmations to help motivate, support, and inspire you to go after your dreams.

Written by Marelisa Fábrega who blogs at http://abundance-blog.marelisa-online.com

Affirmations really work for a lot of people. I have heard countless stories, firsthand, of people manifesting income, lovers, children, lost items and events that are joyful beyond words. Others however, do a smash up job of sabotaging their affirmations efforts at every turn and end up with nothing they affirmed and usually being farther behind than when they started. Is it the fault of the affirmation? Are the gods out to get this person because of bad karma? Well, maybe but I doubt it. The answer is really much simpler than dirty karma or cheesed off affirmations elves – the answer is in the flow.

You see life has a flow and sometimes you are racing downstream with your goal clear in sight. Your fans are cheering you on from the shore – you can see your goal, you can smell it and sometimes even feel it between your fingertips. Other times you meander down a shallow creek sometimes running up on a dry creek bed or even getting caught in an overhanging tree. In the end the tree branch saves your life and you reach your goal. It’s later than planned – but you get where you want just the same. Both of these events are part of life. Affirmers sometimes interpret these life events incorrectly and get themselves in a big muddle and end up tossing a super result down the ‘life toilet’. Here is a great (and real) example:

Harry is focusing on manifesting a job that is closer to his creative gifting. He is a freelancer and for the last two years he has been doing projects that have been lucrative, but not exactly in line with his creative area. Harry has been aggressively affirming:

“I am now working with my creative talents and being paid handsomely for it”.

So far it seems to make sense. As well as his job affirmation, Harry has been affirming to attract some new friends and live in a warmer climate. One day an old contact calls up Harry and asks him to work with him on a new product for a few months. Harry will be paid well, however, it is not in line with Harry’s creative gifts. Harry is not busy with other projects but decides to not take the work because he wants to stay true to his affirmation:

“I am now working with my creative talents and being paid handsomely for it”.

Harry continues to work his affirmation for the next two months. That old contact runs into Harry in a local coffee shop and mentions he still needs help with is product launch and lets Harry know he can still come on board. Harry, frustrated at his lack of progress with manifesting his job goal, again, says he is not interested. Later that week Harry tosses his affirmation in the garbage and angrily curses that darn blog that claimed ‘affirmations really work’.

Whoops. Harry really blew it. Here is what was going on in the background while Harry was affirming and affirming for his creative talents to be used. Remember the client that called Harry and wanted help with that new product line? He was the bridge that would get Harry moved to a warmer climate within the next year. That new product line caught the eye of a wealthy angel investor that wanted the whole team to relocate to San Diego. That wealthy investor was to become Harry’s best friend. Three years later Harry’s best friend would invest in a creative idea that Harry dreamt about one warm San Diego night – That idea was the perfect match for Harry’s creative talents.

Ouch. Well cheer up, Harry will never know any of this. Harry will continue on and think affirmations don’t work and maybe reach his goal but it will be hard and it will probably take a long, long, long, long, time. Most likely Harry will spend a lot of time being discouraged, angry and unhappy.

Life is not a linear ruler that we can sit on and see from one side to the other. It twists, turns and wanders all about. Think about how you met your spouse, or a really good friend. Was it planned? Did you wake up one morning and say “Today I will meet a great person that I will spend the next 20 years with?” Likely not. Affirmations sometimes work the same way too. We affirm for a certain item to come to pass. We visualize. We meditate and we affirm some more. We are religious in our practice day in day out. Suddenly, one day, an opportunity presents itself for us to get involved in something, or we get invited to an event, or our car breaks down and a co-worker offers us a lift, or a neighbor offers to call us a plumber because our sink is plugged. We turn down the opportunity, we decline the invitation, we take a cab and we get out the plunger and start plunging. After all, these offers don’t line up with our affirmations.

Or do they?

Accepting the flow in life in one of the best gifts you can give yourself and the key to seeing results from your affirmations. Remember flow means ‘flow’. It takes no effort and it seems to appear from nowhere with you doing nothing to bring it to you. The next time you get an unexpected telephone call from someone you have not heard from in ten years, take notice. The next time you are offered something you were not expecting, think about it. And the next time you are affirming – be open to leaving the how’s of your affirmation up to those affirmation elves*. I think they know what they are doing.

*Affirmation elves do not exist, I think.

Copyright (c) Joan Pasay 2009. All rights reserved. You may forward this article in its entirety (including author bio/links) to anyone you wish.

Joan Pasay is just one of the MoneyAffirmationsMP3.com Team, whose lives have been radically changed by the continued use of positive affirmations for money and in every area of life.

Want to enjoy more money? First change your money thoughts. Go to http://moneyaffirmationsmp3.com today.

Want to read Joan’s affirmations blog? Go to http://affirmationsreallywork.com/blog right now.

Diamond Jewelry Is the Glittering Way to Express Your Sentiments for a Person You Love

Diamond Jewelry Is the Glittering Way to Express Your Sentiments for a Person You Love

Dangle some eternally blissful diamond earrings and curl some heavenly diamond bracelets around your slender wrists. You can even flaunt your favourite diamond by just draping some wonderful pieces of this jewellery along with your gorgeous outfits. There is some obsession, which almost every person carries when it comes to diamond jewelry.

This Jewelry: Diamond jewellery seems to possess the mystique and allure of the entire world. This jewellery collections boast of all kinds of design catalogues and sophistication required for the making of ornaments. They command and demand all the great principles of designing and decodes all the celestial mysteries of beauty and elegance. The world salutes all the great designers involved in the making and detailing out each and every inch of it. The brilliance and the purity restored in every piece of diamond jewellery is simply magical and magnificent.

Diamond Bridal Rings: The charm and craze of diamond jewellery is immense and is always towards the increasing trend. Diamond gold jewelry rules the wedding occasions in all classes. Especially, diamond rings have all the reasons to be proud of them because of the attention they get during our very important occasions like engagement and wedding ceremonies. This jewellery collections boast of ultimate intricacy and marvellous workmanship.

Diamond Wedding Rings: Diamonds are defined by 4c’s which characterize and distinguish the different grades and quality of this precious gemstone. They are colour, carat, clarity and cut. All of these characteristics make a dazzling and eternal gemstone, loved by the entire world. If you are the one who plans to buy diamond jewelry or want to enhance the jewellery collections you already possess, then an extensive online research will prove to be really fruitful.

Diamond Engagement Rings: this jewellery collections are quite expensive, but the cost factor never makes people think even for the second time when they have once made up their minds to buy one. Diamonds are the perfect ways to magnify the inner self and beauty. Also diamonds make perfect gifts for the occasions like anniversaries, weddings, engagements and for special days like Valentine ‘s Day, Mother’s Day and also birthdays. But whatever the occasion is, diamonds find their best place and make their presence felt.

Before going for buying diamond jewelry, you must be well aware about the 4c’s of diamond, diamond setting in different metals like pave setting, channel setting or bezel setting, also the market prices of different kinds of diamonds, precious metals and the prices of their various stunning combination. Therefore purchasing diamond jewelry is a very time consuming affair but is definitely worth because the diamonds are forever.

Diamond jewelry, diamond engagement rings, and diamond wedding rings, diamond bridal rings: presenting a gift to someone is sometimes very helpful in bonding up the broken relationship. Gifts have the magical power of healing the bonds. After all festivals are specially meant to cherish the moments of togetherness and to forgive the hard moments of life.

Presenting a gift to someone is sometimes very helpful in bonding up the broken relationship. Gifts have the magical power of healing the bonds. After all festivals are specially meant to cherish the moments of togetherness and to forgive the hard moments of life.

Diamond Jewelry Is the Glittering Way to Express Your Sentiments for a Person You Love

Diamond Jewelry Is the Glittering Way to Express Your Sentiments for a Person You Love

Accessorize your looks with amazingly crafted and thoughtfully designed diamond jewelry and pamper your soul by shopping for diamond bridal rings.

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How a Person in an Emotional Affair Can Heal

How a Person in an Emotional Affair Can Heal

Much has been written about how the betrayed spouse should handle the aftermath of an emotional affair, but little has been said of how the person having an affair should heal and move on. Whether you want to believe it or not, the persons having the affair go through a grieving stage once the affair is over. Often it can be quite traumatic. In one of the books that I’ve read (I can’t remember which one), it said that the reason why affairs are addictive and are so difficult for the affair partners to let go of, is because in many cases the affair relationship ends very abruptly. Most often that is because the spouse finds out about the affair and gives the ultimatum that the relationship must end immediately. Unfortunately when this happens, it often backfires in that it produces resentment towards the one giving the ultimatum and injects even more romanticized feelings into the relationship. What happens is that the person ending an affair believes that he is effectively a martyr since he has to give up someone he is in love with, and that he is only doing so for the sake of his wife and family.

Another reason the affair is hard to let go of is that most emotional affair relationships don’t follow the typical progression through the various stages of love like other relationships do. That is to say, when a typical relationship flows from infatuation to the next stage, the couple has more experiences together and they start to see the flaws, bad habits and weaknesses in each other. At this point, the relationship will either end or it will blossom further. If the result is that the relationship ends, both parties have probably come to the realization that maybe they were not meant for each other after all, and therefore they are able to separate more easily and move on with their lives. Contrary to this, in most emotional affairs this scenario is not possible because the affair partners do not have the opportunity to see each other’s faults, and if they did, these faults are normally simply dismissed. They are in their affair “bubble” so to speak. The parties involved in the affair have a difficult time giving up the relationship because in their eyes it is perfect in just about every way.

Affairs appear to be the “perfect” relationship

On several occasions I told my husband that he had to stop putting Tanya and their relationship on some special pedestal, and to stop thinking that he was experiencing something that was so great that he would never again experience anything like it in any relationship. This was hard to get through to him since his relationship, like most affairs, was built on fantasies and the illusion of love. They only saw the perfect side of each other and met a few of each other’s important needs, which was enough for them to think that they were meant to be together.

In a marriage, it would be wonderful to have this type of relationship, but in all actuality I don’t feel that it is realistic that it can be sustained. When you live with someone day after day, you’re going to see their faults, bad habits, and other little quirks that can drive you nuts. Affairs, on the other hand, have the illusion of being so appealing because each partner is showing the perfect image of themselves which in turn makes for a “perfect” relationship.

I believe for a long time that my husband was unable to let go of the fantasy. He was unable to let go of the fact that she was not perfect and neither was their relationship. I think he was still comparing her to me based on seeing only her positive traits. He compared her as being fun, her newness and her free spirit to me, yet he and I shared a totally different situation – that of a married couple that has been together for three decades – not just a few months. I believe he had a hard time letting go of the “perfect” relationship knowing that ours could never really be like that. Not because the love wasn’t there, but because we didn’t have the “sizzle” that a new relationship typically has. When you’ve been married for a while it’s tough to act like newlyweds or like you just began dating, so the “sizzle” is difficult, if not downright impossible to maintain.

I also think it was difficult for him to stop the affair because not only did he think she was perfect, but she felt that he was perfect as well. He got a significant ego boost simply from the way she treated him when they were together. While my husband and Tanya were mirroring the perfect person in each other, at the same time I was going through a time when I felt as though I could do nothing right, and was an emotional wreck. Certainly he must have felt that being in the affair was definitely a better place for him to be.

If you are in an emotional affair, or know someone who is, in order to move on you have to let go of the fantasy. As hard as it may seem, you need to start looking at the faults of the person who you’re having the affair with and the inadequacies of the relationship. It’s not really the best experience of your life like you might think it is. Rather, you need to look at it for what it really is, and that is something that was hurtful to your spouse and is ruining everything you love and have worked so hard for over the years. If the affair ended abruptly you may not have had the opportunity figure this out or to sort through your feelings, so you need to do that now and try hard to let the affair go.

How a Person in an Emotional Affair Can Heal

How a Person in an Emotional Affair Can Heal

Linda and her husband have a blog where they write about their experiences resulting from her husband’s emotional affair. While they have successfully mended their marriage, the hopes are that people who are currently involved in, or who have a spouse who is involved in an affair might learn from their experiences. You can visit their blog at http://www.emotionalaffair.org.

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When you search the Internet for information on how to create affirmations you find that there is an overwhelming predisposition to phrasing affirmations in the first person – that is using I, me, my, or mine in the affirmations.

There is a good reason for it. Traditionally, affirmations were used by people a narrow subset of the population – people in recovery, super salespeople, or elite athletes. The formula preached by the affirmation gurus who worked with these groups was to write your affirmations in the first-person and sit in front of the mirror (Stuart Smalley style) and repeat your affirmations until – by sheer will – you believed them.

No one can deny that many people used this technique to great effect. The fact is, however, that most people are too busy or find performing this ritual kind of cheesy. The parody created by the Stuart Smalley character on Saturday Night Live, in my opinion, only served to make affirmations “nerdy” and cause people who could use them to shy away.

Today people who want to change their habits, reshape their thinking, or condition their minds for success get their affirmations by listening. My own 15-plus year experiment with affirmations has found that repeated listening (both with intent and passively) is every bit as effective as the mirror talk.

Listening to affirmations provides the added benefit of being able to augment first-person affirmations with second-person affirmations – affirmations using you or your. The importance of adding ‘you’ to affirmations is that it allows you to tap into one of the greatest powers of affirmations – thought substitution. Thought substitution is a process by which you replace an existing negative thought or belief with a positive one. It is one of the most important benefits of using affirmations.

Most of the negative self-talk you seek to overcome with affirmations originated from outside of you. Other people planted the thoughts and you internalized them and made them part of your thinking. These thoughts are almost always phrased (even in your own mind) using ‘you’ because that is how you originally absorbed them.

For instance, your mother said, “You are so stupid,” when you were 10 years old. For whatever reason, you internalized that thought. Over the years, whenever you mess up you hear the phrase, “You are so stupid,” in your mind.

So, using this example, you create a first-person affirmation that says, “I am smart,” to counter the old thought. The affirmation will be somewhat effective in countering the old thought, but it will not replace it. Oddly enough, there is something about the thought substitution process that requires a one-for-one switch for maximum effectiveness.

The “I am smart” affirmation plays a role in affirming our own belief in our intelligence. However, the old thought, “You are so stupid,” is still floating around in your mind and you wind up with two conflicting beliefs.

What I have found resolves this situation is to complement the first-person affirmation with a second-person version that can – with repetition – actually replace the old thought. The most effective means is to listen to or repeat the affirmation in the first-person affirmation several times and follow it with the affirmation in the second-person several times.

The result is that you are simultaneously planting a new internal thought, “I am smart,” and replacing the old external thought with a substitute thought coming from the outside that confirms, “You are smart.”

Try adding the power of ‘you’ to your affirmations!

Ray Davis is a writer, poet, and thinker based in the American Midwest. His writing advocates the principles of personal freedom and spiritual development. He has developed B2B sales traning programs for a Fortune 40 company for nearly seven years. Prior to that he was a top producing sales rep for six years. He is the founder of The Affirmation Spot http://www.theaffirmationspot.com

He writes a near daily blog on positive thinking and motivation also called The Affirmation Spot at http://theaffirmationspot.wordpress.com

The affirmations a person uses depend on many factors. What is the person trying to accomplish? Where is he or she now in relation to that goal or dream? What is their belief factor? Is he or she aspiring to something big or just looking for incremental improvement?

One of the biggest knocks critics have against affirmations is that they encourage unrealistic thinking.

It is ridiculous, they say, to encourage a sixth grader who can barely play “Hot Crossed Buns” on the saxophone to use an affirmation like, “I am a world-class saxophone player”. That’s just delusional, they argue, to have a child believing something so out of touch with reality.

I absolutely agree!

“What,” you say, “I thought you were in the business of promoting affirmations and encouraging others to follow their dreams?” I am. And, I still agree with those critics. Oh, I believe emphatically that affirmations are for everyone, but I do not believe every affirmation is for every person.

Yes. The critics are correct. This affirmation is completely unrealistic for any sixth grader who believes it is unrealistic.

They are also correct that a smart sixth grader is probably going to doubt the affirmation at some point. Sooner or later the sixth grader using this affirmation may have the thought, “I can’t even play ‘Hot Crossed Buns’. I’m not a world class saxophone player.”

These two pieces of information do not match up. The sixth grader, like most human beings, will search for a way to make the ideas congruent. When this happens it is decision time for the sixth grader and his or her dream of being a world-class saxophonist. Whether they know it or not the critics are citing and the sixth grader is experiencing a well-known psychological phenomenon called cognitive dissonance.

This theory states that when we hold two incongruent pieces of knowledge in our minds there is a very strong psychological impulse to bring the two conflicting thoughts into agreement. The idea being that our sixth grader cannot hold the thought, “I can’t even play ‘Hot Crossed Buns’,” in his or her mind while at the same time holding the idea, “I am a world class saxophone player.”

The classic example is the mother on the news who cannot reconcile the baby she brought into the world with the possibility that he may have committed a crime. So, she believes in his innocence even against overwhelming evidence.

Now, here is where the critics’ logic fails. They assume, I suppose, that the only option for this newly self-aware sixth grader is to stop using this unrealistic affirmation and stop pursuing such lofty and unrealistic dreams. Basically, “Give it up, kid, there’s no chance.”

The cognitive dissonance theorists tell us that there are actually three options (besides “getting real”) open to resolve this dilemma.

Change beliefs – the sixth grader can change one or both beliefs to be more in line. “I know I’m not a world-class saxophonist right now, but I can be someday.” He or she admits the first fact and changes the condition for the second to bring them into congruence.

Adding beliefs – the sixth grader can think, “It’s true I cannot play “Hot Crossed Buns”. It’s true that I’m not a world-class sax player right now.” “It’s also true that Charlie Parker was not a world-class saxophone player in the sixth grade and look what he accomplished.”

Alter the importance of the beliefs – the sixth grader can think, “It doesn’t matter that I can’t play “Hot Crossed Buns” right now. I will be able to some day. I still have it in me to be a world-class saxophone player.” He or she chooses to diminish the importance of the current state and focus, instead, on the future possibility.

Part of the confusion, candidly, comes from affirmation gurus who promote the idea that your affirmations must be adhered to with unshakable belief to make a difference. Doubting – the cardinal sin of affirmationdom – must never be allowed to rise or else the magic potion will be spoiled.

People are people. Some days we believe in our dreams fervently and other days we completely lose sight of them. That’s not being negative that’s just being human. The path is not lost by one moment of doubt.

This affirmation may or may not be appropriate for the sixth grader in question. It depends on how he or she resolves the cognitive dissonance associated with it. If he or she cannot come to terms with the disparity, then an affirmation like “I am becoming a world class saxophone player” or “I am a better saxophone player every day” may be more acceptable and reduce the cognitive dissonance.

Conversely, the previous affirmation is ideal for a college student majoring in music performance on the saxophone. That person has already put in many years and is now an expert on the instrument. He or she may be planning a career playing the saxophone. That college student certainly can realistically aspire to becoming a world-class sax player.

Here is what I have learned from more than 17 years experience working with affirmations. There really are two classes of affirmations – aspirational and incremental.

Aspirational affirmations are your “big thinking” affirmations. They are the ones that remind you that something far greater than right now lies within you. That knowing is not for anyone to label as delusional or unrealistic. It depends on you and your belief. Incremental affirmations are affirmations that are more finely tuned. They focus on specifics and immediate steps. They are the trees to the aspirational affirmations’ forest.

In my view, they are both part of a healthy affirmation diet. Just like protein and calcium serve two different but beneficial roles in the body. Both kinds of affirmations add value to your over all growth. One is today’s weather forecast and the other is the long range forecast.

Let me illustrate the difference with a couple examples.

A high school quarterback with big dreams might use both of the following affirmations:

Aspirational: “I am the next John Elway.”

Incremental: “My completion percentage is improving each and every game.”

A person trying to climb out of depression might use both of the following affirmations:

Aspirational: “I am completely happy with all aspects of my life.”

Incremental: “Today I am putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.”

A person focusing on creating a better financial future might use both of the following affirmations:

Aspirational: “My million dollar idea is on its way to me right now.”

Incremental: “Today I am paying my bills on time.”

It’s not about being unrealistic. It’s about using the very real power of your thoughts to support your immediate goals and your long term dreams.

So, if you are a sixth grade saxophone player with a passion to be the world’s greatest saxophonist, I say go for it! One thing is for sure. None of your critics will be there to beat you out!

Be peaceful Be prosperous!

Ray Davis is a writer, poet, and thinker based in the American Midwest. His writing advocates the principles of personal freedom and spiritual development. He has developed B2B sales training programs for a Fortune 40 company for nearly seven years. Prior to that he was a top producing sales rep for six years. He is the founder of The Affirmation Spot – http://www.theaffirmationspot.com

Affirmations are positive statements that inspire and motivate people to take active steps to enhance professional and recreational performance, strive to achieve goals, face challenges, modify or reinforce behavior, and improve the general quality of life. They are thought vitamins that fortify your mind the same way vitamins fortify your body.

The New Age Thinking regarding the use of affirmations can be somewhat frivolous. The idea that you can simply think about or affirm what you want and then get it is decidedly absurd. Yet, there is no doubt that thinking is a formative force in the materialization and fabrication of our world view and the conditioned circumstances in which we exist. How we view the world, and ourselves, as we are in and of the world, determines how we act which in turn results in effects. Our current situation–all the conditions of our present life and the various contexts in which we find ourselves, is a direct result of our past, specifically how we have used language in describing ourselves, our capacities, abilities and goals all of which is a precursor for behavior which, again, is causative meaning it brings about effects.

Language is not only our tool for communication. It is also our tool for thought. We think in words as well as mental pictures. But, language is a rather crude instrument. In English, with a mere 26 letters, we codify and represent all our experience…and communicate that experience, as best we can, with language. How can 26 letters encompass not just decades but ages upon ages of experience?

Language is tricky…it’s not always easy to understand the true meaning of a word or phrase. For example “love” has many different shades of meaning. When we say we love that new restaurant down the street, is that the same as when we say we love our mother? And when we are told that we should love ourselves, what kind of love do we apply? The kind of love we have towards our pet? Our sibling? One of the most common New Age Affirmations is something along the lines of “I love myself.” What does that mean? Really? Do we love ourselves the way we love our spouse? The way we love our neighbor? We don’t do those very well, so how could we possible love ourselves any better?

Because thought, which uses language, is a formative force. Affirmations are important. What we say to ourselves, and how we say it, does have an impact upon our mind, our body and our behavior…which, being causative, brings about effects. It behooves us to consider the positive and accurate use of affirmations as part of mental health hygiene. Just as you brush your teeth twice a day, so taking a few minutes to use language and thought in such a purposeful way that the mind is imprinted with positive impressions, is healthy. And, just as toothbrushes come in different styles and choosing one that works well is a consideration, so too designing an effective and accurate affirmation takes some meditation.

There are some basic guidelines to the proper use of affirmations: relatively short, first person singular, realistic, and yet not necessarily a present reality, vividness and kinaesthetic intensity, which is feeling. An affirmation is generally no longer than a few sentences and mostly just one simple sentence. The most common beginning of the sentence is “I am” and this is actually a very good affirmation to start with. After you brush your teeth, look in the mirror and say to yourself “I am.” After you’ve done that for a couple of months consistently, you can add on to it. For example, “I Am Healthy.” Of course, exactly what “healthy” consists of is not detailed, nor should it be. The word “healthy” is associated with dozens, if not hundreds, of other words, phrases, images and feelings. It’s those associations that gives that word its meanings. As you say “I am healthy” the subconscious mind automatically conjures images of what that means. As you repeat that affirmation as if it is a mantra, the images and feelings become intensified. But, you ask, what if I am not healthy, as many people in fact are not. You can still affirm this statement. It is not a hope or a want, it can be a statement of fact…even though it may currently be a lie.

Many of the beliefs and world views we hold today were built up through repetitive use of affirmations…simple sentences…which were, at the time, untruths. But, having repeated them so often, in first person singular, with vividness and feeling, these simple statements which were not at the time realities, became so. For example, a child growing up and learning language might imitate their parent who might often say “I’m such a klutz.” The child begins to imitatively repeat this affirmation and, although not a reality at the time, can easily become one.

To affirm something in the present which is not currently a reality is not a lie. It is simply a conflict. The subjective reality of the affirmative statement, coupled with vividness and feeling, is in conflict with the objective reality of consensual agreement. As the new affirmative statements are repeated the conflict increases. During this period of conflict there may be very strong thoughts attempting to convince one that the objective consensual reality is “the truth.” By continuing on with daily affirmative statements the creative subconscious mind begins to work towards conflict resolution. One of the two “realities” must be dissolved. There is tremendous force and momentum behind the objective consensual reality. Yet with simple persistence, the new subjective affirmative reality which was in conflict with the objective consensual reality begins to take dominance. The objective consensual reality’s basis, which is nothing other than established internal, subjective, affirmative statements becomes less rigid…it begins to crack. It becomes subordinate, and diminishes, and eventually dissolves away. Objective indications of the new affirmative position begins to be noticed in the world of consensual agreement…a new personal reality begins to emerge which is also substantiated by growing objective consensual agreements.

So, you may currently be very unhealthy. That does not matter. You can still affirm “I Am Healthy.” Be warned however, that as the weeks and months pass, as the conflict between the objective consensual reality and the newly forming subjective affirmative statements increases, there may be tendencies to prove to yourself that you are unhealthy. These tendencies need not be acted upon and, like storm moving through the region, they too pass; and then you may find yourself engaging in behaviors which are more aligned with the newly forming subjective reality of being healthy. What these new behaviors are will vary from individual to individual. There is no prescription as to diet, exercise, etc. The behaviors arise from the subconscious mind which is now accepting the newly forming reality. Although some may argue that you must affirm specifics, this writer believes the more generic, the greater the chance of allowing the creative subconscious mind to organize and formulate the necessary components of that reality without undue influence from the conditioned conscious mind.

There are a number of simple, generic affirmations that can be practiced. For example, “I am competent,” “I am efficient,” I am relaxed,” are some very simple affirmative statements that if practiced regularly can impact the subconscious mind in such a way as to bring about behaviors that are in alignment with that affirmation. Here is a longer affirmation that can be useful to repeat upon awakening in the morning and upon retiring in the evening: “I am a unique person, wonderful in many ways. I am gifted with the freedom to make choices and the means to act. I live in a world of possibilities and respond with intelligence. I am alert to what is happening around me. I can communicate. I am able to reason and I can learn. I will often remember…I am a unique person, wonderful in many ways.”

Few would argue the formative power of thought. Every single tool in our culture, from a simple hammer to space shuttles was first a thought in the mind. And clearly language plays a critically important role in thinking. Sometimes crafting an appropriate and accurate affirmative statement requires some assistance by a psychological wordsmither. If you would like help in designing an individualized affirmation specific to your personal and private issues, you are welcome to contact me via my website at http://www.openmindcounseling.com . Also, at the bottom of the home page is an invitation to receive a free copy (.pdf file) of James Allen’s timeless self-improvement classic As A Man Thinketh.

Ken Fields is a nationally certified licensed mental health counselor. With over 25 years in the mental health field, he has worked as as an individual and family therapist throughout school districts and within communities, a crisis intervention counselor, a clinical supervisor and an administrator in a human service agency. He has taught classes in meditation, visualization, goal setting, self-image psychology, anger and stress management, negotiation, mediation and communication, crisis intervention, and parenting. Mr. Fields specializes in Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Family Systems Therapy and Communication Coaching. As a practicing counseling psychologist, Mr. Fields brings decades of specialized training and applied skills to his work. He now provides quality online counseling and can be found at http://www.openmindcounseling.com and http://www.kasamba.com/ken-fields